Who's your Captain?

Many people have asked us this very question. 

At first, I was astonished.  I hadn’t really thought about it at all.  I was buying a sailboat with my husband and WE were going to operate it.  And for recreation, I might add.  Sure, I have always been aware that there can only be ONE captain on the ship no matter how many licensed captains were in the bridge, or to put it simply, ONE person needs to be recognized as being El Jefe Comandante, the leader, the one in charge.  And of course, it was gonna be me.  At least in the beginning because I was the one qualified in all things nautical, right?  So as David and I began to plan our adventure and make decisions on the best type of boats to purchase and locate the best deals on the market, our attention was diverted to so many other considerations.  It wasn’t until the day arrived that we needed to pick up our new (to us) catamaran and deliver it ten miles south through the Intracoastal Waterway to our temporary home in Harbour Towne Marina that I was shocked when David asked me if we should hire a captain for that short trip.  “I will NEVER hire a captain to drive my boat!”, I think was my response at the time.  I was hurt.  I felt insulted.  And that was all that was said at the time and we went about moving the boat without a hitch.  It wasn’t until much later that I came to understand that he never meant to insult me at all.  We knew nothing about the boat.  We spent several hours of a couple of days surveying the vessel the previous month and hadn’t seen it since.  We assumed that the keys to the engines would be easy to find, that the engines would actually start and continue to run, that any other equipment we needed would be present and working.  It turns out we only needed to charge the batteries for awhile and the generator started, so we were lucky.  So, was my pride and ego getting in the way already?  Maybe.  I am sure many people that buy a boat hire someone who knows the particulars of that make of vessel to show them the ropes so to speak, as the smart thing to do.  But honestly, what would any other ‘captain’ do that we couldn’t and if we couldn’t do at least those things, why the hell were we buying a big sailboat?

But it began a long dialogue that I have had with myself about my identity.  Now that I am retired, I might be able to put it all in a better perspective. 

In order for me to actually obtain my very own captain’s license, I had to work for some real assholes to get my qualifying time, and they never cut me an ounce of slack, either because they didn’t want me there, didn’t think I deserved to be there, or wanted to see if I could take it.  I swore, I would never be like them, boastful, arrogant, demeaning, unfair…and to this day I have never introduced myself with that title, although respectfully, I have enjoyed having it.  It was infinitely more fun for me, when various crews or passengers over every single one of my over thirty years as a professional mariner, have mistaken me for another position…mostly the cook.  I much preferred that someone else tell them that they’ve just referred to their new captain as the cook.   Priceless.

It wasn’t until I made my way back to St. Maarten/St. Martin with my shiny license on a beautiful Nautical Ketch did my friends ever actually see me do what I do.  Following that I was flattered by a little recognition for my position on the well-known Lady Mary (legendary dinner cruise ship) followed by the Edge (high speed ferry) and a couple of other local gigs.  At the height of my notoriety, I was able to bring friends on the bridge with me, which I loved to do often, and see my picture and interviews in a few publications.

So, what does a (seemingly) big fish in a small pond do?  Find a bigger pond!  Thanks to my good friend and colleague, Bob Loos, I was introduced to the field of research vessels, which has served me well even in hard times, and workboats in the Oil Fields of the Gulf of Mexico.  In both cases, the learning curve was awesome for someone accustomed to dead reckoning with a watch and a magnetic compass for tools.  I am very proud of my accomplishments and have tried to conduct myself with as much integrity and humility as possible, recognizing how incredible it has always been to be good enough at something you love to make a successful career out of it.  But by then, only the people working with me were allowed on board.

So, here’s my confession.  As much as I loved my career, I love David Knight even more.  No doubt that is easier to say at this point in my life for two reasons: 1)  I am absolutely certain that David Knight is the man and partner with whom I am destined to share the rest of my life and 2) My ambitions in terms of my career have been redirected.  I feel that I have accomplished most of the goals I set forth for myself and I am happy now to pass the baton to younger generations.  So it never bothered me to be introduced to his friends in Charleston as the Bass Player’s girlfriend/concubine/fiancé/wife.  It was just a reference.  Just as I tried never to let my profession define me (It was not who I was but what I did),  I would soon become someone more than the Bass Players wife once everyone got to know me.  But I would never be a captain to them.  It wasn’t until David and I went to SXM that my friend Jimbo introduced me as Captain Dara to some friends at his restaurant that my husband had ever heard that introduction.  It was very nostalgic.  But alas, it is no longer who I am.  

Or is it?  I AM on a boat.   I AM Co-Owner of this boat.  And I AM still currently licensed. 

Well, let me tell you right now, THAT logic did not go very far on this boat.  Not far at all.  David and I have never argued more about things (and there are so many things to argue about here) EVER.  It has been a brutal clash of ego, pride, knowledge, will, stubbornness, experience, all of it.  It has taken a lot of adjustment for both of us to create a working relationship in a relationship that already worked.  And work on that we must do every day.

I have not done engineering on a boat for some time now.  My boats for the last eighteen years have had engineering departments in which I spent a good amount of time because it interests me.  I have worked with some brilliant engineers too but I think my husband can certainly hold his own.

I am going to shamelessly credit David for bringing such amazing talent and skill to our project.  He has impressed me constantly with his ability to solve mysteries, find solutions, and fix the unfixable.  I truly believe at this point that there is very little he cannot do.  I know I couldn’t have done this without him but nor would I want to.  I am hoping he feels the same about my skills.

At this point we recognize that we each have our strengths and some weaknesses.  We both try to listen to each other’s ideas, especially when neither of us is sure.  We’ve come a long way with our ability to compromise because neither one of us takes orders very well.  And for those of you who don’t know David as well yet, he was a Director professionally.  He doesn’t want to hear about problems, he wants solutions.  The current example of which is changing out our Main Sail.  We’ve had the new one taking up our space on the aft deck taunting us for three weeks now.  The first chance we’ve had was the last two days where the weather did not align with the forecast of no wind and right in the middle of removing the old sail, the winds kicked up to 15/20 Kts gusts.  Did that stop us?  Hell, no.  We managed to get that fucker down, remove the fiber glass battens and flake it up on the back of the boat and store it.  Then, David engineered the battens with their boxes onto the new sail while I stitched some soft shackles for the intermediate cars which where not present before and we hoisted the flaked bundle onto the boom with the halyard and zipped it up before dark.  Whew.  But did that stop us?  Hell no.  David was up and down the mast just this morning attaching the luff to the cars on the mast.  So, who's in charge here?

Crazy seems to be.  Not that it matters.

In the end, our partnership and ability to work together is more important than any title.

Horizontal Hair!

Soft Nylon Shackles to be stitched onto the sail

Hanging on in this morning's blow!

18 Kts of Wind!